Fuck me, fuck you.

These October skies trapped in the lingering lull of the Summer haze don’t much serve my need for warmth. Flaming colours, heated minds. Pretty but don’t do a damn thing for my carnal desire. The 6am sunrise gives just a glimpse of beauty amongst these days. The sun pushes upwards. The gold shines directly to me. The sun knows me, it’s the same sun I worship. The very one I entrusted with all my secrets. Watching me from the sky, its fire burns away all my misbehaviours and rises again with a new allure. I believe what I need to anyway. That’s how I’ve always seen it.

The cool misunderstanding of society freezes me out. I need the lust. I need the heat. Touch my skin. You know me, and not many do, this fire inside me roars while I remain cold. Feel me. Tell me you need me. I’m not one to tell. I can give you the sun, I can give you everything for only a night. No cost, no judgement. Pull me, push me, I need to be heard. In a world where words mean little and actions speak loud I can show you my simple intention. Love now, worry later. That’s the pattern. Rhythms are made to be broken, but baby ours is concrete and I don’t know how to veer my path when it comes to you. 

I’ve tasted you, but only halfway. How do you curb an unfinished longing? I never liked cliffhangers. I use my mind when it comes to you. I imagine, I fabricate. It all just leaves me tingling. I’m on my toes for you. I can only fall forward into the bliss. Morality is behind me but gravity can’t pull me backwards once I’m already on my knees for you. I want to please, for you. 

Certainly typical me, but typical you? With you, I can’t just fuck and walk. You’re mind has me sold. You’re beautiful but you think. Will I never wonder what is going through that beautiful head of yours? What will it take? Time, maturity, age I say, in a rational mind. Nothing, I say, in a truthful one. You ‘get’ me in this order; felt my beating present, know my sordid past, heard my vague future. All words carried with undertones of something else. Interest vs. interest. 

Tastes like heaven, burns like hell. The metaphor sounds familiar. Too familiar. Painfully accurate, but exactly that. Painful. I said we have chemistry but I know nothing about science. I never have. Is this the perfect harmony of stable compounds? Or is it an explosion, endangering lives but exciting to watch. Fuck me, fuck you. I get angry but it’s not personal. It’s definitely personal. What could be more personal than this? Rational then irrationally rational. That’s how I am. That’s who I am. I’m sorry, then I’m not. I’m only human my dear and believe me, I didn’t decide this. I want to be true in the eyes of the lord but who the fuck does he think he is? I’ve never even been to church. I don't want to follow his rules but we both have a conscience. Don't we? Call me awful, call me untrue. But there’s nothing more truthful than this, there’s nothing more truthful than you.