A letter to my younger self.

Being a teenager shapes you in ways that are challenging to put in any form of sense. The phenomenon of becoming an adult in a social situation where you must manoeuvre the jeers in your face and the knives in your back is one that I feel is ironic. These years shape you into a rounded person eventually, if they do not break you in the meantime, and teach you ‘a thing or two’ about real life. They beat you on your thin skin to prepare you for adulthood, when you don’t have the hide to take the bullets, you hurt. 

I feel a sharp sense of jealousy for those who enjoyed and speak fondly of their younger years. I mean of course I had dear friends, those to which I shall forever be in debt for their kindness and conserving care for me. They were truly a shield to the battlefield which was my adolescence. They were a saving grace in what could other wise be described as, excuse my language, a true shit show. This is most certainly not a jibe at those who perhaps hurt me, because I most definitely reciprocated actions of contempt in a bid to survive. If I could go back and say I’m sorry I would, but that isn’t how it works. So I’m saying it now; for any disgruntlement and pain I may have caused you I’m truly sorry. I now live a life where, one microscopic layer at a time, I am trying to shed the complexity of social pressure in order to find my bliss and I hope you find peace as a young adult in the same way I have, devoid of blame and aggression. 

The social psychology of young teens is one I find utterly fascinating. I wish and hope the higher bodies of authority will find an appreciation for the need to take simple measures to ensure the mental wellbeing of young teens. Not only could this save vast costs in the long run on healthcare, we would have a much more positive and caring society which can only be an all-round win. 

I have come to wonder if children’s need to be so aggressive is a physiological need to protect themselves. On outwardly speaking in a demeaning manner to those around them, do they feel a sense of security on the basis that it is ‘eat or be eaten’ in the current young generation? There are many reasons I feel strongly about raising a level of awareness of why exactly it is so testing to be a teenager, particularly in the digital age. I am part of a youth community that are experiencing depression, anxiety and stress all at the hands of social media and the vast array of internet-enabled technology. Society has produced a hyper-connected generation that just can’t bare to be alone with their own thoughts, not even for a short while. The theft of the lightness of being young is one that deserves to be talked about.

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My younger self, 

Know that your peers are cruel, not out of hate for you but a cocktail of hormones and social elasticity that has a hugely unpredictable temperament. Know that everybody is a product of their own genetics and we were not built to look and feel the same as one another, your body and your ability to think is a gift. Know that your purpose as a young adult is to have the luxury of enjoying the moment without commitment or stress, there will be plenty of time to be grown up. I promise. 

All the burdens you carried as products of social ambivalence that surrounded and swamped you, I wish I could have saved you from. I would pay a huge price to have placed the knowledge in front of you that you will turn around, stand up so incredibly tall and face all this with a deep breath. Your world will come to fit around you and your woes simply absolved by the people you meet, the places you travel and the gratitude you will develop. 

While you sit and wonder of your worth, be reminded that you are a living, breathing human being with a full bill of physical health. While you sit and analyse what goes by you as passes of doubt from others, be reminded that lack of compassion is bred by ignorance. Teach others the value of extending a kind hand despite your own prerequisite towards them. All the worries I know you had, all the troubles I know you faced, please know that I stand here now, as a young adult, and feel a sense of deep unsettlement that I couldn’t have gifted you with this information sooner; you’ll be ok little one, I vow that to you. Love yourself and love those around you, for it will see you as peaceful.

I love you and I wish I’d told you that more. 

PS. Braces aren't forever. 

Deepest kindnesses, 

Your 21 year old self.